The Secret to Getting What You Want
by Carol James
February 9, 2001
It's often so much easier to focus on what we don't want that we never quite
get to what we want. The result is that we keep complaining and feeling bad
about our situation yet never take positive steps to change it. The solution is
to spend time considering what we really want out of a situation, then determine
what is necessary to have it. After all, if we don't have a positive destination
in mind, we'll be at the mercy of old habits, beliefs and strategies that keep
us stuck in the same old groove.
If not this, then what? If you don't want the results you're getting, what
are the results you do want? What is the solution? For instance:
- If you're feeling bored in your job, do you want to be involved in
- If the problem is worrying about a deadline, do you want to feel confident
in your abilities?
- If you're having disagreements with your boss, do you want to find a way
to get along better with him or her?
- If you feel overwhelmed by your schedule, do you want to rearrange it, cut
back or delegate some of your responsibilities so that you have more free time
- If you're feeling incompetent, unimportant or unworthy, do you want to
change your perspective so that you feel competent, important and worthy?
- If you are in an unhealthy relationship, do you want to find the inner
strength to leave it and experience healthy relationships?
When you catch yourself feeling worried, impatient, frustrated, etc., you can
transform the feeling and redirect your focus toward a solution by asking
yourself these powerful questions:
- What do I want from this situation or person? I want <insert name> to . .
- What would I like the outcome to be? I want the outcome to be . . .
- Why do I want that? I want that because . . .
- If I had that, how would I benefit? I would benefit by . . .
- How would others benefit? Others would benefit by . . .
- How can I see what is going on in a way that creates a win-win outcome?
Everyone would win if . . .
- If I were thinking, speaking and behaving as the person I keep saying I
want to be, what would I think? What would I say? How would I respond? What
would I do? How would I feel? What perspective would I hold?
Think of life experience in terms of one step at a time, each step being
determined by your thoughts (beliefs), words and actions, which either bring you
closer to the life you want or move you farther from it. It is who you are as
you take each step that determines which path you traverse.
Which path have you taken?